I am certain I’m supposed to be able to think. That is what my experience tells me. But I cannot. Half of my head is uncomfortably warm and throbbing, the other simply numb. I’ve started feeling pain in my legs; most likely caused by weakness in my back, and flawed posture brought on by muscular weakness.

I get dressed and it groans. I lie down again and it reels still. It hurts. I didn’t think it could hurt to simply have no energy, get no energy, create no energy. It seems ridiculous, but it is the truth. I’ve imagined pain from all sorts of things, and felt a good chunk of them, but this pain, it feels like what I imagine getting old feels like. I’ve been sick, I was sickly even, but this is not the same.

Fuck you M.E.
I would scarcely wish you on my greatest enemies, as they would not have the mental awareness to know they were being punished, and given half the chance they’d forget what they did in the first place.
You M.E. are worth nothing, and when you are conquered, no one will look too closely at what has passed.
Die gracefully whilst you have the chance. Let me do you that one courtesy.

Another thing to wish to be understood about, but to not wish anyone to be or have been in the situation necessary to understand. Another thing to feel lonely about.
Then again, I think prefer it that way.


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